The Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future Spending 

Three Reasons You’re Arguing with Your Partner This Christmas

The origins of most financial disagreements between couples this season, can be broadly put down to three key reasons – according to financial relationship coach Andrew Neligan founder of Harmonious Money.

Recently polls by Finder.com found that Brits spend nearly £740 more in December than in any other month. Yet in February, the Office for National Statistics found that 4 in 10 adults (22 million people) had no intention of saving any money in the year – many citing the cost-of-living crisis as a key reason. Combine this with the fact that 22% of UK adults are experiencing stress due to money worries according to the Mental Health Foundation, it’s no wonder conflict can creep into a relationship.

Andrew Neligan commented: “Christmas should be a happy time of year; a season of giving, celebrating and love, but for many couples it can put a real strain on the relationship and be a cause of arguments and stress.”

Often these arguments can be broken down into three broad themes:

1. The Ghost of Christmas Past: Repeat or Repair – if one person wants to save for tomorrow, while the other wants to ‘create memories’ - through big gestures like gifts, luxury food and extravagant experiences - it’s bound to cause contention in a household.

Often this difference in attitudes towards money can be traced back to the Christmas’ we had as children.

Neligan continues: “Our childhood experiences heavily influence how we want to enjoy Christmas as adults. Maybe we didn’t have much at Christmas time when we were young, in which case adulthood is a time to amend that. Or it may be that we enjoyed very decadent Christmases and want to repeat that. Recreating or repair the Christmases of our childhood play a huge role in our spending during this time of year.”

2. The Ghost of Christmas ‘Presents’: Save or Spoil - How to parent isn’t just a topic that divides us emotionally, it can often have implications on family finances. Are you the parent who thrives on seeing their faces light up at the sight of a mound of gifts, or feels deep guilt if you don’t tick off everything on their ‘Wishlist’?

Neligan contends: “When they are young it is easier; young children don’t understand the Costs of things, favouring ‘volume’ over financial value, be it an oversized pen, a colouring book or a bottle of Matey bubble bath. The challenge comes when kids are older, and their wish list often includes brand names and expensive devices as well as all the accessories to go with these. Where do you draw the line?”

The role of the ‘present’ can be a huge catalyst for parental debate around spending.

3. The Ghost of Christmas Future: Together or Apart? - Some people draw a straight line between the price tag of their partner’s gift/s, to the sheer amount they value and admire them. Others favour acts of service, or gestures, preferring to save the money for future endeavours.

“If you have different views on money, you risk missing the mark with your gift. You might believe the more zeros on the gift the greater the expression of love, but your partner could interpret this as a waste of money at a time when you are supposed to be reducing debt or investing for the future.”

When our views on money come from opposite ends of the spectrum, how this is represented through gifting can sometimes miss the mark and cause resentment. Harmonious Money has a few tips on avoiding money-created conflict with your partner this Christmas.

• Open up about your concerns well before you start planning – the sooner you tackle these issues, the more time you have to plan, a lot of spending conflict can happen in the blind panic prior to Christmas. Often money is thrown at the problem to get a quick fix.
• The best antidote to conflict is always communication and transparency. Be honest about why you are worried, and what you fear will happen if you don’t have alignment on spending.
• Talk about what Christmas was like when you were children - what memories it holds for you good, bad, or ugly.
• Be clear where Christmas ranks amongst your other financial priorities. If you are on the same page about longer-term plans, you are more likely to agree the role of spending at Christmas.

If you would like to arrange a coaching session to talk through your financial differences with an unbiased third-party contact Andrew Neligan at Harmonious Money here: https://www.harmoniousmoney.co.uk/contact