Healing isn’t Linear: What to expect in therapy

In his book “The problem of pain,” C.S. Lewis said, "It is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”

Fortunately for us all, the global attitude towards mental health has significantly changed since he wrote that quote. However, the fact remains that mental health is a tricky thing and that healing from any sort of trauma, stress, or any other issue can be a long and strange process.

What you need to understand is that the very fact that you have taken the initial step towards working on your mental wellbeing and improving it is something worth praising. You have made the first move in a process that will make you feel better, which can be scary.

Here is a rundown of what to expect in therapy.

Before your first session

First things first - knowing that your mental health needs a boost is a step in the right direction. But, unlike a typical doctor, not every therapist is suitable for everyone.

Before coming in for a therapy session, do some research. Unfortunately, this means you are going to have to identify your problem beforehand to get good results. Most of the time, simply typing “therapist in Central London” into Google will not be enough. Chances are, you have a pretty good idea what your issue might be, so search for someone who specializes in depression, social anxiety, or anything else that is bothering you.

Once you make a shortlist of folks who look like they might be worth your time and money, consider whom you would be most comfortable talking to and who you feel would be the most capable of helping you. For instance, I’m in my forties, and getting advice from someone younger than me just feels odd.

Maybe the gender identity of your therapist matters to you, or perhaps you are searching for a specific vibe. Whatever your criteria are, it is your prerogative to search for someone who suits your needs.

Once you have narrowed your selection, give the potential therapist a call and see how that feels. Trust your gut feeling. If everything is OK, it is time for your first therapy session.

Your first therapy session

So once more, congratulations are in order! You are about to embark on a journey that will guide you to better mental health. However, you should keep your expectations relatively low, especially during your first meeting with the therapist.

Your first visit to a therapist will be pretty similar to going to see a doctor. There will be forms to fill in and questions to answer before you even meet them. The questions might be a bit tough to write answers to - things like your current symptoms and your medical history - but you can answer those questions in person if you are more comfortable that way.

Likewise, your first therapy session will be a chance for you and your therapist to get to know each other. They might ask you what brought you to therapy, what you feel is wrong with your life at the moment and what your current difficulties are.

You can also expect some questions about your family history, family and friends, your romantic life, and anything else that might help your therapist get a better idea of who you are, what makes you tick, and how they can help you.

This might seem a bit underwhelming, but your second session will be much more therapeutic. You might get back to a specific problem or past trauma that you mentioned during that initial meeting and start searching for a solution together.

Some important things to keep in mind

Even when you find a therapist that suits you, you should keep in mind that therapists are not miracle workers. Therapy is a process that has no instant solutions to a particular problem.

Instead of offering a quick fix for a minor issue, therapy is all about giving you life-long capabilities to handle challenging situations.

You won’t find a quick fix in therapy. Instead, you will develop skills that will improve your life in the long term. But this means that you will also have to put in some hard work yourself.

There is no set number of sessions after which you will start to feel better. Every person is different, and so are their issues and their capabilities to deal with them.

What matters is that you don’t give up and keep on working on your mental health together with your chosen therapist.

Also, you should know that therapy isn’t over once the session is over. Between sessions, you should think about things you have discussed with your therapist and how it all applies to your life. Initially, it might be helpful to write those thoughts and emotions down, so you remember to mention them during your next session.

Therapy is more than just talk

As you have seen, there is more to therapy than just talking about your issues with someone who is not close to you. In treatment, you will get tips on developing valuable skills and developing techniques that you can - and should - use in the real world.

You should know that therapy is a safe space for you. To get the most out of it, you should be honest with yourself and your therapist. The only thing a therapist wants is to help you, so don’t be afraid of being judged.

Trust your instincts. If you feel like crying or yelling into a pillow or letting out some steam in another way, therapy is the place to do it.

One more thing - the things you tell your therapist are private. They will treat it as such, and you might want to as well. Sometimes, it might be interesting to share something that your therapist told you with your best friend or partner, but be ready to set some boundaries.

Finally, therapy is challenging. Some days you will leave your therapist’s office feeling as if a huge burden has been lifted off your shoulders, but other times you will feel as if you’ve been through a warzone.

It is all part of your healing process. Don’t give up.